Monday, August 3, 2009

What's Behind the Excuse?

So, I finally recovered a slow recovery. I think it's a tedious process. I really wish there was an easy, magic cure, because I do get sick a lot. So now I am well, and trying to get back on the horse, so to speak. I'm cooking my regular healthier meals again, and slowly working out. Need to do more though. It's hard getting back on that wagon. I wonder if this is what it is like for alcoholics to get clean again... isn't it all emotional in the end?

Here's the problem: Excuses. Excuses excuses excuses. I can write lots of reasons why but in the end they are all excuses. And I'm confused as to what's an excuse and what's real, or can they be real? The line is blurry and I'm not even sure it exists. The heat is an excuse. Being sick is an excuse. Now that I'm well again, I've started my period... another excuse. Where is the line? Is there one, or do I just want there to be so I can define it and use it to my benefit when I'm feeling lazy?

I am still watching Dance Your Ass Off on the Oxygen network, and those people are eating healthy and exercising everyday, and no one has moved backwards on the scale. Some of them have even sustained injuries during practice and still deliver their dance routine that week. Which means to tell me that without consistent exercise, I can easily move in the wrong direction, regardless of what I eat. So I guess tomorrow morning I am going to buck up and go to the gym. I have to get in the mindset that cramps can't stop me. I think I am slowly realizing that I'm not as committed as I thought when I really look at what stops me. I look at other atheletes... people who have bodies that I hope to have one day.... and I see it takes them a lot of work and time. And they are dedicated. Barring some serious injury, they put in the time everyday. The little things aren't stopping them. So I need to follow in those footsteps if I plan to slim down and KEEP it off. I have the time, so really, there's no excuse.

Week 30
Weight: 234.8
Weekly pounds gained: 3.6
Total pounds lost: 22.2
Size: loose 18/tight 16
Goal: 150
Pounds to go: 84.8

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