Monday, August 24, 2009

The Power of the Process

I won't underestimate the power of exercise. It works. And I didn't even go to the gym as many times as I wanted, but when I was there, I stayed longer and did more. So if I actually go as much as I keep telling myself to, I could possibly lose more. I need to try that and see what is possible: what's the maximum I can lose if I am there everyday for a week?

I am waiting on my last unemployment check. It's not sitting well with my self-esteem that I'm still unemployed. Today I was thinking about how, in Los Angeles, looks are so significant. I wonder how many jobs turn down candidates because they aren't pretty enough to represent the company, or draw in the right clientele. My former job was like that. My boss was tall, thin, and blonde, and she hired women who were thin and pretty to work for her. A mutual friend was helping her brand her business, and mentioned to her that she only hired pretty people. She responded by saying that wasn't her intention behind why she hired them... that they just all happened to be pretty people. But then when we had to hire more organizers, the best candidate for the job was an older, slightly heavyset woman, and I felt she was extremely qualified for the job because she already had years of experience. My boss on the other hand thought her weight would be a problem on the job - that she wouldn't move as fast as the other workers and would be clumsy around the clients' homes. And based on that, she didn't hire her. I was offended by my boss's decision. As I've been looking for jobs, I've found some ads that actually say one of their qualifications is that the candidate be "attractive". Others aren't as direct. Instead, they will just ask you to submit a photo so they can keep track of "who's who". Am I still unemployed because I'm fat? At this point, I'd have to say no. I haven't been on any interviews yet to be turned down from, so they haven't seen me yet in order to turn me down because of my weight. But it's a concern. I feel like I have to make up for it by having good skin, stylish hair, lots of makeup, etc. Didn't Tyra Banks do an undercover thing once where she donned a fat suit and went out? And she got looks from people and others ignored her? I feel like if I don't lose this weight, that's the life I'm subjecting myself to.

Week: 33
Weight: 232.4
Weekly pounds lost: 2.0
Total pounds lost: 24.6
Size: loose 18/tight 16
Goal: 150
Pounds to go: 82.4

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