Friday, January 23, 2009

My most disgusting blog

Ok, so I'm breaking taboo here and just going with it. First of all, I feel fat. Let me clarify that. I know I am fat, but currently, I am feeling the fatness just leeching on my body. I'm poking myself right now and watching the fat bounce back out. I've been eating ok but I refuse to get on the scale. I can't bear a negative direction.

Second, and here's the taboo part... I love waking up, taking a poo, and then getting on the scale. You food digests at night, you burn some calories in your sleep. They say the best time to weigh yourself is in the morning because that's when it's the most accurate. So by that rationale, it should be all the better in the morning right after a morning poo. I guesstimate it helps take off an extra pound or two.

So tonight, I was sitting here farting around on my laptop, when all of a sudden nature called. I got up and went, and I guess I must've had an upset stomach or something, because I kept going and going. Then, I decided to take a shower, well, because, I haven't been showering everyday and it was about that time. So I showered, and then almost immediately when I came out and was drying off, I had to go again! So I think I must have poo'd out a small baby, and I hope it will make a difference on the scales tomorrow!

Why can't I just look like my dog? They say people tend to look like their pets. I could only dream to look like my pet. She has long skinny but muscular legs, a narrow tiny waist, a big chest, long skinny neck, firm butt. She even has butt muscles! BUTT MUSCLES! Let's pause and take a moment to appreciate what butt muscles must feel like.

I had a breakdown at work today. Got into a fight with my boss. I guess overall it turned out okay. But it drained me for the day. I was tired. I was sulky. I wanted a quick fix. I bought a walnut brownie and a chocolate milk next door from 7-11. It was wonderful. Chocolately. Perfect. Except that now it's in my fat stomach. Joe made me a pecan pie the other day. It was a belated birthday dessert. It's great, and I love pecan pie. The sugar is craving. But I've only eaten a small slice. That's it. It's been sitting in there for 4 days now and all that's missing is a small slice. I want to go so far as to call it a sliver, but then I'd just be lying.

No gym this week, but I will be going on Saturday and Sunday. Need to keep burning calories. Need to keep the metabolism going to make up for the week of no time.

Ooooh.... I feel a rumble in my belly.... I think round 3 is calling to me.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you EVER so much for being honest and out there and funny. I mean I know it's not funny to have to run to the bathroom 46x's, but it's the way you put it with the small baby and all. HAHA. Anyway, I can't wait to crap out the Mexican food brewing in my stomach. I am suprised that it's been more than a few hours and still don't have even a peep of poo urge. Crazy...Keep on poo'n