Losses and Gaines

I missed out on writing last week. I started a blog, and then I didn't finish it, and now it's outdated. So I will start at the beginning and catch up.

I got a new foster dog. She's a beautiful dog, but she is really shy, and I want to help make her feel secure. Her name is Britta, and she looks a little like a deer.

I thought I would be making some adjustments to my schedule in order to accomodate having her in my home, but as it turned out, that wasn't exactly what happened. I did make changes to my schedule, but not because of the dog. I actually got laid off my job last Thursday. The company I worked for could no longer afford my salary. The funny part is, I couldn't be happier! I was really not enjoying the job toward the end, and now, I have a little freedom and I can pursue things I'm more interested in. And I get to spend more time with my doggies. And, I will also get to work out during the day instead of at night.

I'm interested to see the people that work out at my gym during the day. I've never been during the daytime, unless it was a weekend. I'm sure it will be a little different. I need to spend more time on my workouts. I've been averaging 45 minutes, sometimes an hour. And I spend it almost all on cardio. Last week I was so excited because I weighed in at 243.3, but then I gained a little of it back this week and I broke even at 246.6. So no change overall. I haven't read much of Bethenny's book in the last 2 weeks. I need to continue, because it was really helpful. And it wasn't so much that I gained because I stopped reading. I think it was more along the lines of I gained because I got laid off, and wasn't sure how to feel about it. I wanted to be depressed, and normally with depression comes food. But I wasn't as depressed over losing my job as I thought I would be, so my reflexes didn't know exactly how to act. In the end, I'm okay. I had one binge evening involving a pepperoni pizza, but went right back to eating smaller, healthier portions. Well, maybe not all were super healthy, but they weren't horrible. I made a lasagna, which isn't on my list of healthy choices, but I only had small portions at a time.

I've also been looking for different things at the grocery store. Last night I bought a spinach and artichoke quiche. It was made with egg whites. I baked it for about 30 minutes and it came out real nice. I need to go onto FoodNetwork.com and look for some new recipes. If I come across any good ones, I will post them on here.

Week 13 Weight: 246.6 Pounds lost: 0 Size: 18 Goal: 150 Pounds to lose: 96.6

New Book

This week I've started reading a new book by one of the Real Housewives of New York City, Bethenny Frankel. It's called Naturally Thin, and she came to Los Angeles this week to promote and sign copies of it. I started reading it last weekend and went to see her on Wednesday in Century City. I had to fight traffic to get there as President Obama was in town AND staying right around the corner from the bookstore where Bethenny was signing. Security was of course at a high and therefore, traffic was rediculous.

I arrived a half hour before Bethenny was scheduled to come out, and there were only 2 other women there when I arrived. At first I felt bad - what if no one showed up? It wasn't very well publicized. I only found out about it because I happened to check out Bethenny's blog, which I've only recently started to do. But between the time I arrived and the time Bethenny came out, Borders had to put out twice as many chairs as they originally had and people were still standing!

To be honest, I didn't really want to buy another diet book. I only bought it because I've become more of a fan of hers from the first season of the show to the second. But as far as the book itself went, I really didn't think it could help me. I mean, Bethenny's a size 2 (and after seeing her in person I dare say she was a zero at the signing). I'm the complete opposite of a size 2. How could her book possibly help me? She wrote it for people like her. After all, it's what worked for her. So buying the book was more just to show support. But then I started to read it.

It was a little crazy. I felt like this size 2 person, this Bethenny, was inside my head. She said things in her book that I've only said in my head. How is that possible? Bethenny has never been over 150 pounds in her life but she related to me. I related to her. I don't even eat healthy foods and she's a natural foods chef. We couldn't be more opposite. But I got her message. And even though I'm only a few chapters in, it's starting to work on me. What I mean by that is I always eat everything on my plate when I go out to a restaurant. One of the things Bethenny talked about was eating until the food doesn't taste as good as the first bite did. When I read that I thought to myself, "but every bite for me tastes as good as the first. I still won't quit eating if I follow that rule". But then, 2 nights in a row I was out, and both nights I was surprised at how much food I didn't eat. That was a huge breakthru for me. I took the time to really taste the food instead of just eat the food, and I saw that there is a point where it stops being as great as the first bite. It blew me away. And that's just ONE thing in her book that had an effect on me right away.

Let me clarify that her book is not a diet book (thank God!) and it's not a recipe book (although there are some recipes in there). I am really thankful that it's not a diet book, because diets suck. Bethenny's book doesn't restrict you from eating anything. It's really more about how to eat what you love and how to relate to food like a thin person does. In a healthy way. And one of the things that was really inspiring to me is that Bethenny's turning point with food came to her when she was 33. I'm 33. I know I have a lot farther to go than she did (she only needed to lose about 25 pounds, I have 4 times that to go!). But it gives me the help I need in the form of her tips that will still allow me to not deprive myself of things that I like to eat. Kudos to Bethenny for a very helpful new book! It made #5 on the NY Times best seller list this past week! Oh and for the record, Real Housewives of NYC is the only housewives show I watch... they have a certain class that's missing from the other housewives drama.

For more information about Bethenny, go to http://www.bethennybakes.com/



Week 11
Weight: 246.6
Pounds lost: 2.6
Size: 18
Goal: 150
Pounds to lose: 96.6

Back In Action

I've really stopped paying attention to my goals ever since my mom left. But this week I'm starting to get back on the horse. I'm at 249.2 pounds, and I haven't really been trying. In fact, I thought it would be a lot worse. I've been eating whatever I want and not working out, so I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but I'm also not going to complain... a loss is a loss.

I seeked out help this week in my challenge to lose weight on my own, and in doing so I had to come up with all the reasons why I want to lose weight. So I think it's a good idea if I share my reasons here.

Reason #1: I want to enjoy life as a thin person
Reason #2: I am concerned about my health
Reason #3: I want to feel better about myself
Reason #4: I want to enjoy shopping for cute clothes
Reason #5: I want to correct my weight before it gets worse

I'm carrying those reasons with me in my purse, and whenever I'm out and about (at a restaurant, grocery shopping, etc.) I can remind myself before I end up making a bad decision. I'm actually excited and looking forward to my new system!


Week 10
Weight: 249.2
Pounds lost: 0.8
Size: 18
Goal: 150
Pounds to lose: 99.2

Nonsense

I've been MIA for 2 weeks, from this blog, from the gym, from normal life.... Having my mom here has been great, but I find myself wanting to do more fun things as opposed to working out. Which really, has been the problem all along. I don't find working out fun. I don't see it the same way I see going to a movie, or shopping for shoes. I can do it, and i'm not even miserable when I'm doing it, but I'm also not motivated to make the effort to go.

I did take my mom to the gym once while she was here. She actually worked out for a whole hour! I was so proud of her. My mom has a history of back problems, so she really surprised herself. She surprised me too. She was really looking forward to going back to the gym while she was here, but with all the other things we had planned, we didn't make it back to the gym. Sorry, mom.... :(

I gained 2.8 pounds while my mom was here. We did eat some good food. Overall though, I'm not disappointed about the gain. It's not huge, and it was worth it to be able to spend that time with my mom.

This week is the FINAL week of my class. I will finally have TIME officially FREED UP to do more. So I guess that means I can't use time as an excuse anymore to not work out. Oh, and good new/bad news: my foster dog Kester got adopted last Sunday. It was bittersweet. I did not want her to go. After 6 months of caring for her and teaching her and loving her, I really wanted to keep her. She would look at me with her ears sticking out like she had a question mark on her face, asking "Mom? What are you doing mom? Is that for me, mom? Where are we going, mom?" I really fell into the roll of MOM. And then she was gone. I've thought about her everyday since she left. I've cried. I've worried. And I've since found out that she is doing okay. She's actually doing better than okay. And in some ways, that's great. In other ways, it hurts. It's like I want her to need me still. I want her to miss me and remember me as much as I miss and remember her. I love her. It's ironic. When Kester moved into this home 6 months ago, she had really bad separation anxiety. Now that she is gone, I have really bad separation anxiety.
I miss you, Kester.


Week 8
Weight: 250
Pounds gained: 2.8
Size: 18-20
Goal: 150
Pounds to lose: 100