Losing Focus

It's been a few months since my last post. After the trip to Washington, I had a hard time getting back on track. Mostly, I was stressed about not having a job, and my unemployment was running out. I had found a job, if you could call it that, with a real estate law firm that helped people who were at risk of losing their homes due to the economy. It is one of the top law firms in the country in terms of real loan modifications. But, it paid out on straight commission. So, if I didn't close a deal, I didn't make any money. I gave it a try for 3 weeks, and while I consider myself to be good at sales, I found it difficult. It was easier to convince people to spend $5000 to organize their home than it was to convince them to spend $3000 to save their home. Everyone else there seemed to be finding success, and while I learned a lot in the 3 short weeks that I was there, my heart just wasn't into it.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine recommended me for a position at a retail store he worked at. It was an adult novelty store in Silver Lake. It wasn't exactly something I was interested in, but I half-heartedly filled out an application, and 2 weeks later (while I was at the law firm) they called me to inform me that they were actually considering me for store manager. They did an hour long interview with me over the phone, but working for an "adult" product store wasn't really something I cared to do either, and it would be a bit of a drive, so I finally told them that I am considering moving in the new year, and I don't think it would be fair to allow them to train me to run their store when I didn't really plan on sticking around for very long. They appreciated my honesty and that was the end of that.

I finally just decided to apply anywhere and everywhere, figuring that since the holidays were approaching that my best bet would be to get back into retail. Retail would sustain me thru the holidays until I move, and it's the kind of job I don't have to commit to long term. So I started mall-hopping until last week, when I started at Bloomingdales. I worked for Bloomingdales in Century City a few years ago, from 2004-2005. I was a specialist in the Shop for Women, the plus size women's collection. It was actually a pleasant place to work, and I was about a size 14 at the time, so I was on the small end of that department, and an extra large in other regular departments. I bought a lot of really nice clothes back then, most of which I haven't worn yet. Not that I couldn't fit them then, but I wanted to wear them well. I am hoping that, by returning to Bloomingdales, I will be surrounded by the mindset that I can wear most of these clothes if I do my part to keep losing weight.

I finally cancelled my gym membership. It really was too expensive, and far. So now, the burden of exercise is completely on me. I have no help, except 7 pre-paid spinning classes and the park down the street to jog in. I have to work on getting up to do it though, and that still remains a challenge.

I have also, in the last few months, found my first boyfriend on Facebook. Time hasn't been kind, but I can still see the guy I knew when I look at his pictures. He is married now and has a daughter, and he said that when I move back to Texas, we should meet for lunch one day. I was about 180 pounds the last time he saw me. I want to make sure I reach my goal of 150 if we ever really do meet. It's just one of those things, you know? You want to look good so he can see what he missed. Rub it in without saying a word. Right now, I wouldn't meet him. And truthfully, one of my friends thinks it's just wrong to meet him because he's married. So I don't know. It's just lunch. I don't even find him attractive anymore. But what a great incentive to get back on track, right? Shouldn't I be happy for anything that motivates me?


Week: 46
Weight: 238.6
Pounds gained: 2.2
Total pounds lost: 18.4
Size: 16
Goal: 150
Pounds to go: 88.6