Monday, June 29, 2009

Surreal Week

This week went by in a fog. I was anticipating a doctor's appointment to find out when I will have surgery for the lump under my armpit, and I think I ended up making myself sick. Add to that my period, which started at the beginning of the week, and my hormones and emotions were on a collision course. I went to my appointment on Thursday, and the doctor actually was willing to cut me right there on the exam table. She said it was so minor that it didn't even warrant a surgery appointment. I was so unprepared that I declined. I did not want to get cut that day. And realistically, I didn't have the money to pay for that kind of appointment that day, either.

I had barely pulled out of the parking garage when I received a txt message from my friend that Michael Jackson had died. The Elvis Presley of my generation was gone, and I had to drive on the 405 north, past UCLA where his body had been taken before he was officially pronounced dead. Traffic was a mess. I think I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. I went to walk a dog. But by the time I got home, all I could do was crawl into bed. I had a nausious feeling since leaving the hospital. In the early evening I took my dogs out for a potty break and I had trouble making it up my stairs to come back inside. I was out of breath. My head was pounding and my body was bouncing between hot and cold within minutes of each other. I took my temperature: 102.7.

I drank lots of water and took aspirin. No change. By midnight it was down: 102.2. I still felt miserable. I tried to sleep but it was a restless sleep. Joe came home and confirmed I was burning up. I think I was delirious and at some point I realized I had the onset of a sore throat. I'm not entirely sure how I made it thru the night. When I woke up on Friday, my temperature was 99.2. But throughout the day it started creeping back up... 99.5, then 99.7. No foods sounded appetizing except for tortillas and sweet butter from El Torito Grille. In fact, everything else made me feel nausious. So I ate as little as possible as driving to El Torito was out of the question (and would have required purchasing a meal to acquire the free tortillas).

On Saturday I didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon, and apparently that did the trick. No more fever and no more sore throat. And 2 days of almost no food has made me 1.4 pounds lighter. My period is coming to an end and I will be able to go back to the gym (update on this later). I'm still sad though over the loss of MJ. Since I stayed in bed for 2 days all I did was watch his videos over and over. It's a very sad time. Very surreal that we have lost the biggest entertainer of our time.

Week 25
Weight: 234.6
Weekly pounds lost: 1.4
Total pounds lost: 22.4
Size: loose 18/tight 16
Goal: 150
Pounds to go: 84.6

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Importance of Being Honest

Headed to the gym in a little while. But I need to be honest here, or this blog doesn't work. Since I had skipped about almost 2 weeks of writing here (before my last post), it may look like I've lost weight. I have lost, compared to my post on May 27. But I did weigh myself in between the that time, and I had gotten down to 234.2, so really while my mom was here I gained 1.8 pounds. I just didn't take the time to write a blog with the 234.2 weigh-in. So, since my last post, I'm keeping in accordance with how I write (see below), but I just want to acknowledge that I did in fact GAIN.

Week 23
Weight: 236.0
Weekly pounds lost: 1.8
Total pounds lost: 21
Size: loose 18/tight 16
Goal: 150
Pounds to go: 86

Friday, June 12, 2009

Writer's Block

I haven't been motivated to write much lately. I'm not too sure why. Maybe the June gloom? My mom was here for 7 days and I didn't even really pick up my laptop to do anything! My emails come to my phone so I don't need to get online to check them. I had the greyhound picnic to plan for and attend, and then spent time with my mom, and then we decided to move half of the things I don't use back to her place so that I can de-clutter my place. It's a great feeling on one hand to let go of excess baggage, but on the other hand - for me - stirring everything up actually makes me a little sick. Literally, things that have been stored in closets for 2 years come out dusty, and all that dust makes my sinuses go crazy. So my mom gave me some of her prescription allergy medication, which was great in helping me breathe again, but also made me SO SLEEPY! I was so knocked out for a few days. It was hard to spend time with her and pack up stuff. Most of what I packed are clothes that I'm too big to fit into at the moment. Some things are clothes that I just don't wear that she will wear. There were a lot of great pieces that I had bought back when I worked at Bloomingdales a few years ago. I was about 15-20 pounds lighter then. It was probably good for me in a way, because I saw what a great wardrobe I have once I lose another 30 pounds. I saved all my jeans, because as I lose weight, those will be what I need the most - the casual everyday wardrobe staple.

I'm thinking about downsizing to the 1 bedroom apartment downstairs in my building. That's why there's a need to let some things go. The living area is bigger than what I have now, and the kitchen is a little bigger too. The bedroom is probably a little smaller, but not by much. And the closet is a walk-in, which is great, but it's only 1 closet compared to the 3 I have now. I really gotta go thru everything and donate and throw away. Movers are coming next week to take some furniture home. Meanwhile, I have to set an appt to talk to the owner of the building about moving into the smaller unit. In my opinion, he is the posterboy for "grumpy old man". I'm not looking forward to it. If it works out, we will be saving $500 a month. If it doesn't, I just need to keep sticking to a tight budget until I get a job.

I didn't get to suspend my gym membership in time for it to take effect this month, so I will be hitting the gym as much as possible. The bad news is that I have a painful lump under my right armpit. It's been there for over a month, and sometimes it flares up and hurts and other times it feels small and unnoticeable. Either way tho it makes for a difficult shaving experience, and when it hurts, it's uncomfortable to wear a bra. I've also stopped wearing deodorant. I don't know if it's a clogged sweat gland or an ingrown hair, or something I don't want to think about. I was hoping it would have gone away on its own by now, but it hasn't. So on Monday I am making an appointment to see my doctor. In the meantime, the worst part, aside from the pain, is the not wearing deodorant part. Even with showering everyday, I need deodorant. And that makes working out awkward. I went to the gym yesterday, and about 20 minutes into it, I could smell myself. I was so embarrassed that I decided 20 minutes was a long enough workout. I also hadn't been in a month so 20 minutes was about all I could take - I need to build my energy back up. And today I stayed home and washed all my workout clothes. I've been wearing them to walk dogs and volunteer with the greyhounds, so those are all covered in dog fur and my sweat. I plan to go over the weekend and all next week. I just don't know what to do as a deodorant replacement.

I cooked for my mom while she was here. And yes, we did go out too. But I'm proud to say it was my most sensible visit. I paid attention to the portions I ate. I cut myself off when enough was enough. I mixed in a few salads. I brought home a lot of leftovers to convert into future meals. My mom was happy to eat the meals I prepared, too. I made her my new garlic steak recipe and my pork tenderloin. I wasn't as pleased with how my pork tenderloin came out, because I know I've made it better in the past, but she liked it a lot. And since I'm still not working, on her last day she took me to the grocery store and bought me groceries. I stocked up! It was great. Oh but the bad news is that the low carb tortillas that I use on a fairly frequent basis has been discontinued. Now I have to buy a larger size of tortilla - it's still low carb but I don't need or want the large size. The smaller size was perfect. So I'll have to do some creative portion control.

I haven't weighed myself in a week. The last weigh-in came in at 234.2 pounds, but I'm sure I've gain a little since then with my mom here, so I'm not going to post anything now. Instead, I'll weigh-in on Sunday morning and type it in with another entry updating about my weekend. Until then, I'll be looking up deodorant alternatives online!

Week 22